thoughts

2001-04-29T23:28:00.000-04:00

well, i"ll be posting all the papers i have ever written in my york career soon...so for anybody looking into york university poli sci, look forward to this. though i suggest you alL to not copy and hand in my papers. i write with a very distinct voice.

2001-04-29T23:26:00.000-04:00

obviously i have yet to finish writing my quadzillion papers, so i havn;t exactly been updating ANYTHING.

oh well, not that i am going to let this stop me from blogging right now cause i need to to stop think ing about international law and security. my god, i finally understand how people can spend their whole life studying this...............

absolutely fascinating. now i know what i should pursue.

a friend said that i should consider writing up my 'interesting' views on feminism. ha! that's another essay project on the back burner (checks stove to see how many burners are on...oh shit, must be violating couple of fire regs not that i particularly care)

just a question: are all guys just dense?! which part of say what you mean directly did we not understand!

oh and on the subject of whining, i am gonna whine about my new tan and white Swingers shoes from Fluevog. beautiful, and cute. but did i mention that it hurts like hell breaking them in?! *stares at red welts on feet*

of course this is NOT gonna be stopping me from buying another pair of BOOTS from Fluevogs...3'inch kneehigh boots!

2001-04-15T23:58:00.000-04:00

hopefully when all the shit i have to finish is over, i"ll get around to reworking this here blog's layout....yeah.

2001-04-15T23:51:00.000-04:00

actually, just came across a new concept (to me at least):

fast feminism: it's not about oppression of women, nor is it about getting all the rights on paper. it's a radical way of reviewing gender relations as role play; gender is not physically defined, but by one's actions.........now that's a good thing.

see, physical attributes were never meant to be politicized. sex is a power relationship, inherently a master-slave dichotomy....therefore, it must be understood in a realm of politics, that means rational action...........

and only in recognising the role play nature of sexual relationships can the rational be factored in....

2001-04-15T23:47:00.000-04:00

speaking of SM practises, who'd ever thought lil innocent ol' me would be pointed out as a 'dom' by my undergrad advisor after a very long discussion on the Marquis de Sade?! *raises eyebrow* SHHHHH.... yes, handcuffs are a perfectly acceptable fashion accessory, as are black leather belts, 3, 4 inch high boots............XD

yes i still think Justine from de Sade is an idiot. why doesn't he get her to have her breasts sliced off, and served, 'sunny-side' up?! IDIOT!!!!

Juliette rocks. absolutely rocks. no, not Rouseaus's new heloise, but Juliette of Sade...and her circle of sexual libertines.....XD a circle of women, prostituting for fun...now that's feminism.

2001-04-15T23:29:00.000-04:00

oy vey!

so much shit to read, so little time..."so many men to teach, so little time...", the Bear (Stephen) on Kink, a cdn tv doc on SM practises in Vancouver...

goddamn. i am now officially convinced that i am a masochist of intellect...why the hell else would i tak ie upon myself to present yet antoher extra project, write about 3 extra research papers (aka independent study proposals), and generally have hell to do....

i love my schedule!
yaya! a)discuss the international criminal court as a multilateral organisation (30 pgs)

b)discuss the international criminal court as a security issue (30 pgs)

c)business case study (6 pgs, french)

d)seminar presentation (1 hr, french)

e)physics lab (8 pgs)

f)public policy paper (4 pgs)

g)paper outline: china's WTO entry and banking regulations modifications(2 pgs)

h)resume (french. english REWRITE)

i)course petition: chasing down profs.....fuck em all !

did i say all the above was due this week!?

*dies*

2001-03-27T22:38:00.000-05:00

according to the emode test on what's your passion, the following is my ranking:

you're a Queen Bee!

No doubt about it — you've cornered the market on grrrl power. And wow, do you look fabulous wearing the pants. Sure, some people might think you're a (gasp!) ball-breaker, but, hey, you know the truth. It's all about knowing what you want and going after it.

Once you decide that someone's for you, forget about it. They might as well surrender peacefully. You probably find the chase as exhilarating as the catch. And when it comes to your bedroom behavior, it's probably safe to say that you don't lie there like a deer caught in the headlights.

But could you be holding those reins a bit too tightly sometimes? What difference does it really make if your honey likes to eat hotdogs with mayonnaise instead of ketchup? Even the most well-meaning advice can sometimes sound like criticism. So you might want to consider biting your tongue and softening your blows. The results could be pleasantly surprising.

2001-03-22T23:50:00.000-05:00

no i am not angry. or at least i try to tell myself that i am not.

but then again, that's like petain saying he wasn't a collaborator.........in the english derogative sense

anger is supposed to be cleansing. but how do you contend with anger that simmers 24-7? that everything you do is driven by anger? often, you snap at people not because of anything, but that they remind you of your source of anger.

2001-02-10T23:32:00.000-05:00

nietzsche: "toward new seas"
that way is my will; i trust
in my mind and in my grip.
without plan, into the vast
open sea i head my ship

all is shining, new and newer,
upon space and time sleeps noon;
only your eye -- monstrously,
stares at me, infinity.

2001-02-10T23:23:00.000-05:00

just some poems that i like:
dylan thomas "in my craft or sullen art"
in my craft or sullen art,
exercised in the still night
when only the moon rages
and the lovers lie abed
with all their griefs in their arms,
i labour by singing light
not for ambition or bread
or the strut and trade of charms
on the ivory stages
but for the common wages
of their most secret heart

not for the proud man apaprt
from the raging moon i write
on these spindrift pages
nor for the towering dead
with their nightingales and psalms
but for the lovers, their arms
round the griefs of the ages,
who pay no praise or wages
nor heed my craft or art

2001-02-10T23:01:00.000-05:00

what is a person? is it their face, their physical existence? or is it their words their actions? perhaps their plans? their history? the awards they've won? their cv?

just a question: does a person exist if you don;t know them?

and if they don"t, do they still have rights? does anyone have rights? or do we just have values? and is anyone ever entitled to anything? if so what? if not, why?

what are rights? perhaps the answer is the same as what is a person.

2001-02-10T22:51:00.001-05:00

whoever said living for today only is short sighted must be crazy. has it ever occured to people that living too much for hte future makes everything meaningless? you won;t have memory, because you aren;t living in that. what you live for, has not come to pass, or even if it has come to pass, you won;t ever remember because you never lived it or been aware that you did.

brighten up, wake up. and look around. revel in exploding senses. remember every touch, every voice, every smile every tear.

there will be a time soon when you won;t remember anymore. or when you don;t want to remember or just can;t/

then look back on the dried yellow stains in your past, the petals of laughter or strumming of voices of time past

and wonder,

why can't i recall yesterday

2001-02-10T22:51:00.000-05:00

as i just noticed, i've misposted twice again...fuck.

2001-02-10T22:46:00.000-05:00

i really should consider updating more often....as it is, i am not. so there. been so busy since the damn York University strike is over...talk about getting work and shit stuffed down our throats! i mean, the class work is bad enoigh, but to find that motivation to get going again is so hard! we york students live under a constant threat of strikes and other educational disruption. this makes me wonder why i went there to begin with....obviously....hmm
then again, it DOES have amazing people in it...whatever
another new chinese year....hopefully everything is good. can;t predict the future anymore. and i don;t want to. i think that already takes away so much stress.... ^_^
see a day, take a day

2001-01-02T00:26:00.000-05:00

wow! a whole month!? well, new millenium, new entry i should imagine to be appropriate...
has anything changed? yup, i now have a purty lil friend...namely my cellphone, *waves*
to keep up with my initial-d obsession, i want to introduce everyone to FD3S! *FD bows...*
ok ok ok...so i am in 3rd yr university and i still havn't grown up....bite me!

i did meet someone incredible in the past month...intelligent, confident, caring and heck, has a nice car...i don't know, maybe this is it? then again, i do have priorities....namely, ME! how do you express a friendship that is more than friends yet still less than romance? platonic? perhaps plato was right, platonic, unsexual love could be the purest...because then it is a pure exchange of ideas...

stress-wise..i am just laughing. screw 'em all! i do my best, give everything 110%...there really is no reason that i should feel any more stress...really, i am sure to everybody, i have almost everything...a great part-time job in a field i love, friends, my FD3S..d^o^b, and frankly, a pretty damn bright mind and not too bad looks..so why am i still searching, in my dreams, in life?

i run along a beach.....freely....then laughter is heard. a thunderous snicker. i run along some more, looking to escape...it encloses me more......vise-like...i know the sound.......where? who? why? how?

2000-11-26T22:00:00.000-05:00

wow, 20 days since i updated?? jeez, i must have stopped thinking or something...ya. totally...so like, what should i do with my hair next?? ok ok. i guess i should consider making a new yr's resolution to lighten up or something. cuz little things that go wrong with my professional life, i go crazy. my relatives can fall through to hell and i wouldn't even noticed. i don;t think this is my being cold-hearted really. i think my priorities are differenct, that's all.
what i should reform is to stop scaring the hell out of all my friends. I actually wasn;t aware of how high stress i am, or at least how badly i project stress...oy...i guess there are other things beside trivialities like how much exams and other tangible indicators of success have to say...

2000-11-05T22:56:00.000-05:00

a friend suggested that it would do me good to settle down with someone. i don;t even know where to begin to answer that one...
how do you explain that you never settle down? you can be attached to someone at any one given moment. but to settle down, that implies a furture plan. who am i to make a prediction for something that i don't know? here today, live today. whom i love today is whom i love forever. forever is today.....a little syllogism? maybe. cynical? probably. truth? yes.
if there is a tmw, then all the events that have transpired today will be part of our memory. as such, it will be forever.
never do anything you regret. you can never undo it and regret is the most unproductive notion invented by mankind.
no i've never regretted anything. and i've always been "serious" about every act i do. it may be funny, it may be serious. but every action i take, i give careful consideration and i"ll live with the consequences.
it's not that i don;t know how to love. it's just that i only know that today is real, the future isn't. i can only promise something i can do. and the only thing that i can give is my love of this moment.

2000-11-05T22:55:00.000-05:00

well seems like weeks have passed since i updated and cleared my mind out. (remember what i said about the blogger beign a garbage bin???) actually no...more like dumbledore's pensieve from the harry potter books....something that i can unload my mind and re read and re hash and re ponder when i want to ...
sometimes though, i really have trouble understanding why social niceties are necessary. if the guiding principle is honesty, then if we act in an open and frank manner with everyone, is that not good enough? thought that could be the solution to world peace personally...evidently not. something about humanity....maybe our capacity to caprice? to deception.deception as a mask, as the great defense? maybe it is that we never feel secure that we can never be open and frank...and that is why we can't do anything without being on guard....
i know what i just wrote seems very very simple. simplistic and evident even. but hey, it's just an issue i"ve never pondered to a clear understanding (no, not understanding. acceptance? approval)

2000-11-01T18:56:00.000-05:00

i"ve always liked the statement "to kill time"
something about the supposed human ability to kill a human conception, 'time', strikes me as being very very very funny and wrong........i guess that's what lewis carroll meant in alice with the tea party...but he assumed that time was not a human construction...
to kill time i think means to recognize and treat it as a human invention. knowing its true nature, we can hope to transcend it. not that it is happening of course. tiem regulates our behaviour, making sure we perform according to the protestant ethics of things...*wry grin...don't i love weber der Beamte!*
but really, if we operated each to our own desires and schedule, that is the end and murder of time. we are no longer unified in a system. we have created chaos. as such, we become even more alientnated from one another than we already are. maybe the death of time is not that desirable after all

2000-11-01T18:45:00.000-05:00

in admiralty law, there is this very pretty clause :
xyz and....the ship"abc" and all its owners and all interested parties.../.
so tell me : does a ship have a mind of its own? i was always underthe influence that the parties responsible were the owners and all interested parties! so why bill the ship itself as a defendant! a huge piece of metal, like any other, is incapable of acting of its own free will...so why does the style of clause not read "the owners and al interested parties of the ship "abc" "??
in my opinion, most of the time it is not the ship's fault, but irregularities of contract between the owners and charteres and sub-contractors and time charters and bill of lading interpretations...
the poor ship!!!

2000-10-31T14:58:00.000-05:00

well, almost a wk into the york university strike. sometimes, u just gotta wonder what the hell the point is/was? almost a wk and no one is talking yet. meanwhile, poor students and hassled profs are being harassed like mad ... "shame on you for crossing!" "we are striking for you" etc. goddamn.
halloween .. time to chase out our ghouls, placate them with candy, or pretend nothing matters, nothing is seen .............fears...........maybe that's the point of halloween : to chase my own evils out

2000-10-30T23:29:00.000-05:00

hmm, what can i say? having a blogger is like having a contianer to empty all my thoughts into ..probably the web equivalent of talking to myself, as i highly doubt whether anyone besides myself and soem would be reading this....*G* oh well, a good way to destress anyhow...
not that i think i"l ever post my most personal thoughts here...then again ... i"ve always wondered what it would be like to have so many strangers know how i am , what i think like....how i think? (i think) maybe you"ll all be the friends i should have had..in some alternate universe, i am sure i know you all...isn't it strange to think off all the possibilities that never could be to my knowledge in this time??
would i know myself from another time? would i care to?

2000-10-28T23:38:00.000-04:00

well, off to another day i guess ... sometimes, i think the joys of being human is that we have another day to look forward to. or at least we think to ourselves and call it truth that there is another day ... me? nah. live each day like it's the last. can't imagine how i'd ever have regrets then.

2000-10-28T23:18:00.000-04:00

so here i am, stuck on this thing called earth that i have been told is rather entertaining and worthy of note...the only things i believe that are of interest to any visitor could be our uncanny ability as human beings to screw up anything anywhere...just look around you and find one thing that a)the gov't hasn't been told to fix, b)the great companies havn't been blamed for or c)that you havn't been told that you're responsible for...