well, i"ll be posting all the papers i have ever written in my york career soon...so for anybody looking into york university poli sci, look forward to this. though i suggest you alL to not copy and hand in my papers. i write with a very distinct voice.

obviously i have yet to finish writing my quadzillion papers, so i havn;t exactly been updating ANYTHING.

oh well, not that i am going to let this stop me from blogging right now cause i need to to stop think ing about international law and security. my god, i finally understand how people can spend their whole life studying this...............

absolutely fascinating. now i know what i should pursue.

a friend said that i should consider writing up my 'interesting' views on feminism. ha! that's another essay project on the back burner (checks stove to see how many burners are on...oh shit, must be violating couple of fire regs not that i particularly care)

just a question: are all guys just dense?! which part of say what you mean directly did we not understand!

oh and on the subject of whining, i am gonna whine about my new tan and white Swingers shoes from Fluevog. beautiful, and cute. but did i mention that it hurts like hell breaking them in?! *stares at red welts on feet*

of course this is NOT gonna be stopping me from buying another pair of BOOTS from Fluevogs...3'inch kneehigh boots!

hopefully when all the shit i have to finish is over, i"ll get around to reworking this here blog's layout....yeah.

actually, just came across a new concept (to me at least):

fast feminism: it's not about oppression of women, nor is it about getting all the rights on paper. it's a radical way of reviewing gender relations as role play; gender is not physically defined, but by one's actions.........now that's a good thing.

see, physical attributes were never meant to be politicized. sex is a power relationship, inherently a master-slave dichotomy....therefore, it must be understood in a realm of politics, that means rational action...........

and only in recognising the role play nature of sexual relationships can the rational be factored in....

speaking of SM practises, who'd ever thought lil innocent ol' me would be pointed out as a 'dom' by my undergrad advisor after a very long discussion on the Marquis de Sade?! *raises eyebrow* SHHHHH.... yes, handcuffs are a perfectly acceptable fashion accessory, as are black leather belts, 3, 4 inch high boots............XD

yes i still think Justine from de Sade is an idiot. why doesn't he get her to have her breasts sliced off, and served, 'sunny-side' up?! IDIOT!!!!

Juliette rocks. absolutely rocks. no, not Rouseaus's new heloise, but Juliette of Sade...and her circle of sexual libertines.....XD a circle of women, prostituting for fun...now that's feminism.

oy vey!

so much shit to read, so little time..."so many men to teach, so little time...", the Bear (Stephen) on Kink, a cdn tv doc on SM practises in Vancouver...

goddamn. i am now officially convinced that i am a masochist of intellect...why the hell else would i tak ie upon myself to present yet antoher extra project, write about 3 extra research papers (aka independent study proposals), and generally have hell to do....

i love my schedule!
yaya! a)discuss the international criminal court as a multilateral organisation (30 pgs)

b)discuss the international criminal court as a security issue (30 pgs)

c)business case study (6 pgs, french)

d)seminar presentation (1 hr, french)

e)physics lab (8 pgs)

f)public policy paper (4 pgs)

g)paper outline: china's WTO entry and banking regulations modifications(2 pgs)

h)resume (french. english REWRITE)

i)course petition: chasing down profs.....fuck em all !

did i say all the above was due this week!?

*dies*

according to the emode test on what's your passion, the following is my ranking:

you're a Queen Bee!

No doubt about it — you've cornered the market on grrrl power. And wow, do you look fabulous wearing the pants. Sure, some people might think you're a (gasp!) ball-breaker, but, hey, you know the truth. It's all about knowing what you want and going after it.

Once you decide that someone's for you, forget about it. They might as well surrender peacefully. You probably find the chase as exhilarating as the catch. And when it comes to your bedroom behavior, it's probably safe to say that you don't lie there like a deer caught in the headlights.

But could you be holding those reins a bit too tightly sometimes? What difference does it really make if your honey likes to eat hotdogs with mayonnaise instead of ketchup? Even the most well-meaning advice can sometimes sound like criticism. So you might want to consider biting your tongue and softening your blows. The results could be pleasantly surprising.

no i am not angry. or at least i try to tell myself that i am not.

but then again, that's like petain saying he wasn't a collaborator.........in the english derogative sense

anger is supposed to be cleansing. but how do you contend with anger that simmers 24-7? that everything you do is driven by anger? often, you snap at people not because of anything, but that they remind you of your source of anger.

nietzsche: "toward new seas"
that way is my will; i trust
in my mind and in my grip.
without plan, into the vast
open sea i head my ship

all is shining, new and newer,
upon space and time sleeps noon;
only your eye -- monstrously,
stares at me, infinity.

just some poems that i like:
dylan thomas "in my craft or sullen art"
in my craft or sullen art,
exercised in the still night
when only the moon rages
and the lovers lie abed
with all their griefs in their arms,
i labour by singing light
not for ambition or bread
or the strut and trade of charms
on the ivory stages
but for the common wages
of their most secret heart

not for the proud man apaprt
from the raging moon i write
on these spindrift pages
nor for the towering dead
with their nightingales and psalms
but for the lovers, their arms
round the griefs of the ages,
who pay no praise or wages
nor heed my craft or art

what is a person? is it their face, their physical existence? or is it their words their actions? perhaps their plans? their history? the awards they've won? their cv?

just a question: does a person exist if you don;t know them?

and if they don"t, do they still have rights? does anyone have rights? or do we just have values? and is anyone ever entitled to anything? if so what? if not, why?

what are rights? perhaps the answer is the same as what is a person.

whoever said living for today only is short sighted must be crazy. has it ever occured to people that living too much for hte future makes everything meaningless? you won;t have memory, because you aren;t living in that. what you live for, has not come to pass, or even if it has come to pass, you won;t ever remember because you never lived it or been aware that you did.

brighten up, wake up. and look around. revel in exploding senses. remember every touch, every voice, every smile every tear.

there will be a time soon when you won;t remember anymore. or when you don;t want to remember or just can;t/

then look back on the dried yellow stains in your past, the petals of laughter or strumming of voices of time past

and wonder,

why can't i recall yesterday

as i just noticed, i've misposted twice again...fuck.

i really should consider updating more often....as it is, i am not. so there. been so busy since the damn York University strike is over...talk about getting work and shit stuffed down our throats! i mean, the class work is bad enoigh, but to find that motivation to get going again is so hard! we york students live under a constant threat of strikes and other educational disruption. this makes me wonder why i went there to begin with....obviously....hmm
then again, it DOES have amazing people in it...whatever
another new chinese year....hopefully everything is good. can;t predict the future anymore. and i don;t want to. i think that already takes away so much stress.... ^_^
see a day, take a day

wow! a whole month!? well, new millenium, new entry i should imagine to be appropriate...
has anything changed? yup, i now have a purty lil friend...namely my cellphone, *waves*
to keep up with my initial-d obsession, i want to introduce everyone to FD3S! *FD bows...*
ok ok ok...so i am in 3rd yr university and i still havn't grown up....bite me!

i did meet someone incredible in the past month...intelligent, confident, caring and heck, has a nice car...i don't know, maybe this is it? then again, i do have priorities....namely, ME! how do you express a friendship that is more than friends yet still less than romance? platonic? perhaps plato was right, platonic, unsexual love could be the purest...because then it is a pure exchange of ideas...

stress-wise..i am just laughing. screw 'em all! i do my best, give everything 110%...there really is no reason that i should feel any more stress...really, i am sure to everybody, i have almost everything...a great part-time job in a field i love, friends, my FD3S..d^o^b, and frankly, a pretty damn bright mind and not too bad looks..so why am i still searching, in my dreams, in life?

i run along a beach.....freely....then laughter is heard. a thunderous snicker. i run along some more, looking to escape...it encloses me more......vise-like...i know the sound.......where? who? why? how?

wow, 20 days since i updated?? jeez, i must have stopped thinking or something...ya. totally...so like, what should i do with my hair next?? ok ok. i guess i should consider making a new yr's resolution to lighten up or something. cuz little things that go wrong with my professional life, i go crazy. my relatives can fall through to hell and i wouldn't even noticed. i don;t think this is my being cold-hearted really. i think my priorities are differenct, that's all.
what i should reform is to stop scaring the hell out of all my friends. I actually wasn;t aware of how high stress i am, or at least how badly i project stress...oy...i guess there are other things beside trivialities like how much exams and other tangible indicators of success have to say...